I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
