I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
