oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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