she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
