wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
