We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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