I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
