Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
