I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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