I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
