Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
