I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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