I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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