Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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