did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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