i just wanna soil my oats bro
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
