I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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