I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
