i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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