Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
