A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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