wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
