I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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