Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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