It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
