Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
