i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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