If that was your dad, he is hot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
40s are totally the cure
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
