Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
