These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
