I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
