i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
