I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
