I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
