i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
