when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
