I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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