his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
