Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
