I just saw a hot homeless man
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
