He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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