Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
