perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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