Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
