I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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