life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
