Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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