Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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