watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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