Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
