The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
